In the wake of MIchelle Wie’s disappointing 2007 season, a great deal of speculation has focused on the degree to which her parents, sponsors and others may have pushed her too far and too fast. Even though her circumstances are unique, it’s worth looking at the challenges that face competitive junior golfers and their parents. I work with a large number of juniors, and their parents often ask me for advice on how best to support their sons or daughters, especially when they are struggling with their games.
Parents wrestle with expectations (their own as well as their son’s or daughter’s), giving feedback and gauging the degree to which they are involved in their child’s golf development. Finding a good instructor for their son or daughter can also be a challenge. According to Danny Harvanek, director of instruction at The Golf Club at Bear Dance in Larkspur, it’s important for junior golf instruction to be consistent. “I encourage parents to find a golf professional whose style is a good match for their child’s personality and learning style and to stick with that instructor,” says Har- vanek, who was named the 2007 National PGA Junior Golf Leader. “It’s also important for instruction and practice to feel fun and interesting in order to keep the junior interested.”
Keeping them interested and focused becomes more challenging as they face the issues of adolescence. In addition to dealing with the pressure to win and other challenges that come with playing competitively, junior golfers have to balance academic and social demands. Some young golfers aspire to play competitively in college, and with the average cost of a four-year, public-college education averaging $24,740 and private-school tuition approaching $100,000, golf scholarships provide a tantalizing incentive. The pressure to win, impress coaches and score well on college-entrance exams, and still have friends and fun can be daunting.
But perhaps the most prevalent issue I’ve heard from junior golfers is a strong desire to please their parents and coaches, along with a fear that they will let down or embarrass people who are important to them. This can lead to self-sabotage or under-performance. I’ve also known some juniors who have lost the desire to play golf because the pressure is too great; the game ceases to be a game.
On the other hand, there can be many benefits to playing competitive sports. Athletes learn to trust themselves and their decisions, develop confidence, and gain invaluable life skills through balancing their priorities. They learn teamwork and experience a sense of accomplishment through setting goals, working hard and facing their fears. Parents and coaches play a huge role in determining the type of experience a junior golfer will have.
The following are a few guidelines for parents and coaches:
Establish good boundaries. Parents and coaches can unwittingly put their own expectations onto young players and blur the boundaries between parent or coach and player. One obvious example of this is when a parent or coach talks about a charge’s round in terms like, “We just couldn’t make any short putts today!”
Establish the line between you and your junior player. One way to keep yourself in check is to ask, “What is within my control?” Common examples include your feedback, attitude, body language and what you choose to focus on when you interact with your junior golfer. For example, it is helpful to focus on what went well during a round and not just on what did not. Likewise, it is extremely helpful to distinguish what the junior golfer has control over, such as goals and practice habits, attitude, reactions to shots and outcomes. Through your questions and feedback you can help your young player make clear distinctions between him or her and you, thereby easing concerns about who is responsible for successes and failures.
Separate who they are from what they do. It is so easy for young players to over-identify with the role of being a golfer, especially if they are passionate about playing and have high expectations. Junior golfers are especially prone to blurring the line between golf as something they do and something that determines their worth.
Make clear that score does not equal self-worth. Parents and coaches need to communicate unconditional love so kids feel secure enough to take risks and learn from their mistakes without fear of rejection. One approach is to ask good questions. Instead of “Did you win?” or “What did you shoot today?” consider inquiries like “How was your round today?” “What did you like about your performance today?” or “What did you learn about yourself today that will help you prepare for your next round?” These questions demonstrate you are not focused on just the score but on the process of their development.
Model appropriate behavior. Pay attention to how you react when watching your son or daughter on the golf course. They are very aware of your body language and are watching for signs of anger, disappointment and frustration, as well as pride, enthusiasm and confidence. Consider asking your child how he or she would like you to react both on the course and after the round.
Give good feedback. Pay attention to what you say. Feedback is often an interpretation of what the observer believes is happening, which may not be accurate. Instead of saying, “You were really nervous out there today,” focus on observable behaviors such as their body language, the consistency of their routines and their reactions to their shots. For example, you might say, “I noticed that you play more consistently when you always perform your preshot routine” or “I noticed that you stand over putts longer after you miss a few in a row.” This type of feedback allows the player to hear information that will allow him or her to continue to learn and grow both as a golfer and a person.
Denise McGuire, Ph.D., founder of Get In the Zone, uses mind-body techniques to train golfers of all levels. Contact her at denise@ getinthezone.net or 303-902-5008.